Dangerous Games

Everyday’s but just a game. Just play along.

Coward

I’m a coward. There was a elderly man who was blind, clutching on to his walking stick and waving his other hand about and exclaiming some words no one could understand. He was holding something in his hands and seemed as though he was one of those elderly people who would sell tissue papers outside for a meagre amount enough to have 3 decent meals but his aggressiveness made people keep their distance from him. He just kept talking and waving his hands to the empty air in front of him. He seemed really agitated. I was intimdated by his behaviour and never approached to find out what he needed.

I’m ashamed. I’m not an angel but I probably should have helped. It didn’t really seem like anyone else would have. But I was afraid. Of what? I was afraid of all the eyes that would have been on me. I was afraid that his aggressiveness would hurt me. Fuck. I couldn’t stand being hit by an old man? What the hell did I go through OCS training for?

I’m always afraid of this, afraid of that. Even when I know that this is the right way to do it, I think about what others would think of me. I want social recognition. I want to be the norm. I do not want to be a norm. I wanna be me. I do not wanna know what others think of me. So fuck you if you´re judging me. I’ll just do what I think is right from now on.

This post is written with using Mozilla Firefox in Mandriva Linux OS. Heh. Just to haolian.

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June 29, 2005 - Posted by | Uncategorized

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