Dangerous Games

Everyday’s but just a game. Just play along.

In peace

Alright, I’m in peace with myself.

Peace out.

June 30, 2005 Posted by | Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Coward

I’m a coward. There was a elderly man who was blind, clutching on to his walking stick and waving his other hand about and exclaiming some words no one could understand. He was holding something in his hands and seemed as though he was one of those elderly people who would sell tissue papers outside for a meagre amount enough to have 3 decent meals but his aggressiveness made people keep their distance from him. He just kept talking and waving his hands to the empty air in front of him. He seemed really agitated. I was intimdated by his behaviour and never approached to find out what he needed.

I’m ashamed. I’m not an angel but I probably should have helped. It didn’t really seem like anyone else would have. But I was afraid. Of what? I was afraid of all the eyes that would have been on me. I was afraid that his aggressiveness would hurt me. Fuck. I couldn’t stand being hit by an old man? What the hell did I go through OCS training for?

I’m always afraid of this, afraid of that. Even when I know that this is the right way to do it, I think about what others would think of me. I want social recognition. I want to be the norm. I do not want to be a norm. I wanna be me. I do not wanna know what others think of me. So fuck you if you´re judging me. I’ll just do what I think is right from now on.

This post is written with using Mozilla Firefox in Mandriva Linux OS. Heh. Just to haolian.

June 29, 2005 Posted by | Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Love-Hate Bogdornity

A love-hate relationship. What is a love-hate relationship? Would Miss Ong Mei Nu kindly explain? Do we go like “Oh Romeo, Romeo, I love you so for the gazillion roses you smatter unto my bed and the sweetness that pours forth from your chest to my loving heart. But I hate you! Why you never call me??? KNN.” haha. alright, a spark of lunacy. my mind wavers and phases through different stages of norm and abnormality from time to time. Now is a perfect example of what I call norm.

Hmmm… This is the information age. What was once popular like Altavista was is now Google.com. What was once hot like Napster was is now Limewire, Ares and in my view the best of the best, Bit Torrent. Everyone uses a form of broadband one way or another whether cable or ASDL or T1. We get what we want from the net in matters of seconds.

I never hated the slow 56k modem and the popular yahoo! games or the times when we went to http://www.angelfire.com to set up web pages of our own using their horrid templates. That was the time we still had Netscape! Hoorah! Who the heck uses IE anyway, full of bugs and spywares. *shudder* But I never loved those times when I think back to it. These stuff ain’t human. I won’t miss those days. The technofreak in me tells me I only look forward to the days when speed is no longer a topic in the techno world. Everything’s just too darn fast. That probably won’t happen. Human minds are made to be very insatiable in more ways than you can comprehend.

We always want more from something. A corporate business makes its first million. CEO declares, “Our target for the work year is to make a record revenue of $5mil.” Employees slog harder only to be pushed harder the next work year.

Some kids study so damned hard to get 98marks in their Pri. school Maths. Their parents scold them for being careless. We have planes that can fly faster than the speed of sound but we want one that can travel near the speed of light.

We always always want more. My point being, since these techno stuff are lifeless, it won’t hurt them if we continuously demand more and make the world better through constant innovation and invention.

Huh. Feels like I’m writing an essay. In order for it not to look like an essay I shall not conclude what I have written above but I shall comment that little emotion is felt about the advancement of technology but we should not take for granted the people around us. We can continuously demand more and more and more from the never-ending prospects of the economy and technological advancements but it shouldn’t be the same for friends and family. There is a need for appreciation and love, you see it but you may not admit it. Well, by commenting further, I have actually concluded what I’ve been writing and have made a contradiction to my previous statement that I shall not conclude. Thus, without clarification of the contradiction, there is no actual conclusion and thus a paradox is formed.

Dreams and Nightmares – Incarnations of our Insanity

June 27, 2005 Posted by | Uncategorized | 1 Comment

What’s real?

Trying to organise the bookshelf in my room which I constantly mindlessly chuck all my magazines my documents into. I can’t believe I’m doing this. I have never been one who would clean up a place on my own accord. Sheesh. What’s happening to me. Possessed or something? Haha.

I’m not even halfway through it and it’s already almost midnight. All for the sake of making things look nice huh?

I found a journal. Year 2001. I was 16. My writing style… I would say… I don’t really know. I enjoyed reading it though. Supposed to hand up our journals to our english teacher, Mrs. Smith. Oh, she’s Asian and she does not take the form of Angelina Jolie. Well, she likes reading my writings as well. Anyway, I’m surprised I used to write about society and the education system. I thought about those stuff when I was 16? Hah. Irony. And all I think about now is sex. Ah no, I mean tax. Ah… pretend I never said anything. haha. Humour humour. hurhurhur.

Sigh. Kind of tired already, guess I should leave those books and magazines smack on the big space of my room’s Lacquered floor. I love my room. I just need a bigger bed and nicer furnitures. I don’t have much furnitues in my room anyway, which explains the emptiness.

One last thing, have you all ever wondered if we were living a dream? Everything around us could be just fabrications of our mind, making us think we’re living a life. How do I know I’m typing? Because my mind tells me so. I know I’m looking at the computer screen because my mind processes the image and tells me that this is exactly what my eyes are looking at. But what if our minds were lying to us? I once thought that I had a dream when I was alot younger about vampires that jumped around with their arms stretched out. But as I thought about it, it seemed as though the previous night, I dreamnt that I was alot younger and I dreamnt that dream. I don’t know if you all understand what I’m saying, but sometimes, I no longer know what’s real and what’s not. Sometimes I think that I’m sure that I always remembered that I had that dream when I was younger. Sometimes, I’m convinced that my mind played a trick on me to think that I always had that memory when I dreamnt about dreaming.

Haha. Okae. That’s it for Bing’s Column today.

June 27, 2005 Posted by | Uncategorized | Leave a comment

www.lyrics.ch

I still remember the times when I used to look for lyrics at this site http://www.lyrics.ch
It was the time when people all used Winamp and some used Sonique because it had flashy visuals but it actually just sucked up ram like nobody’s business.
It was the time when people still used ICQ and MIRC, going to all kinds of school channels and asking ppl, “intro? a/s/l” haha.
It was the time when people were still using Windows 98 with the ugly “start” bar.
It was the time when people were still using www.altavista.com and www.excite.com
It was the time when people used MIRC to share mp3s.
It was the time when people tried out Napster.
It was the time when most people were using 56k modems.

I don’t miss those technologies. Things are much faster now. Hehe. I like.

June 26, 2005 Posted by | Uncategorized | 1 Comment

Goo Goo Dolls

They’re good. I find myself listening to Iris over and over again. Is it the lyrics or is it the music? It’s very catchy. And the name Iris never appears in any part of the song. Guess this song was written for some Iris or something.

Goo Goo Dolls – Iris

And I’d give up forever to touch you
Cause I know that you feel me somehow
You’re the closest to heaven that I’ll ever be
And I don’t want to go home right now

Goo Goo Dolls – Here Is Gone

And I want to get free
Talk to me
I can feel you falling
And I wanted to be
All you need
Somehow here is gone

June 25, 2005 Posted by | Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Initial D

Yeah, I watched Initial D yesterday. Can’t say that it was fantastic but whaddaya know? It’s about cars and driving and drifting. Brings out the inner geeks in guys. Guys will watch it. And there’s Jay Chou and Edison Chen. Brings out the groupies in gals. Gals will watch it. There wasn’t alot of plot in the show but it was somehow enjoyable even though some of the jokes were really kinda stupid. I laughed though. wtf was I doing…

I wanna drive.

June 25, 2005 Posted by | Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Out of shower sexiness

Just to clear up some misunderstandings. When I was talking about how sexy a fresh out from shower lady is, I meant really freshly out of shower. Hmmm, maybe I missed out the main point. Haha. Sorry but that. What I really meant wasn’t that “Oh, clean! How sexy!” Nonono. -.-” You think guys are idiots hah? I meant drenched and wet larh. Dun need to be fresh out from shower. Drenched from rain kinda thing also can. hurhur. I dunno how you all would define sexy guys cos well, why the fuck would I think of a guy as sexy? Other than Brad Pitt la. Anyway, I could imagine that a guy with nice abs climbing out of the pool should be rather sexy. I dunno. Enlighten me.

June 25, 2005 Posted by | Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Scrapping again

I should scrap those entries… Fuck. For me to know, for you all to find out. 3 entires scrapped. zai boh?

Hmmm… I’ll leave one of the 4 here though. YQ, wtf, where got people so early wake up to read blogs one? Haha.

June 25, 2005 Posted by | Uncategorized | 2 Comments

Sorry

You, I hurt you a long time back. I’m sorry.
Nothing I do would change what happened. It took me a tonne’s strength to send that email. I wish I told you face to face instead. But I was a coward. We started that way, I ended it that way. I was the criminal, I was the pauper. I did the worst thing any guy could’ve done.

When I picked up the phone and heard your voice, I trembled. I didn’t feel hurt, I was the one dealing the cards. Yet, tears trickled as I spoke. I didn’t like being the bad ass. I continued to lie though. Why did you take my lies for real? Fuck.

I was a foolish child. You and me, we’re not meant to be, I should have told you the truth.

You, I am not the Montague you look for. Search for him amongst the better men. You, you were the biggest mistake in my life. No apology can change what I did. But I implore, bear no more grudge on me.

You, if you ever read this, I never felt anything for you. I’m sorry we met only once in that 1 month. I’m sorry about everything. I wish we never knew each other.

All I can offer is apology. Release me please. Curse me no more. I was just a fleeting wind long past.

Goo Goo Dolls – Iris
And I don’t want the world to see me
Cause I don’t think that they’d understand
When everything’s made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

June 25, 2005 Posted by | Uncategorized | Leave a comment